Saturday, January 3, 2009

"How to Deal with Jealousy"

Self-improvement session.
Yes i frigging googled it and studied for hours .

Definitions:
Jelousy
fearful of being displaced by a rival.
- answers.com-

Insecurity
Feeling of not being "good enough'' to meet the challenge of a situation you face in life.
Sense of helplessness in the face of problems, conflict, or concerns.
-coping.org-


"Solutions." :-
Step1
Identify what is causing the jealousy! If you are experiencing feelings of jealousy, take a minute to evaluate the situation and identify what it is that is making you jealous. Ask yourself why it is making you jealous. Knowing why you are jealous instead of just identifying what is making you jealous can help you to better understand where those feelings come from and how to deal with them.

Step2
Don’t assume in extremes! If you start feeling the pangs of jealousy about someone or something, keep telling yourself that the reasons behind any action or appearance can vary tremendously. Don’t assume that your significant other hasn’t returned your call because he/she is up to something. It could be that they are just really busy or don’t have their phone on them. Don’t assume that the neighbor who appears to have the perfect life really does have it all together because nobody’s life is always perfect.

Step3
Get all of the information! When you become jealous, it can sometimes lead to a negative and false conclusion. Instead of immediately taking that conclusion and running with it, make sure you have all of the details. This doesn’t mean that you should grill someone with questions or resort to snooping and spying on someone. However, it is perfectly okay to ask questions. Getting all of the information about a situation can help you to squash feelings of jealousy because you are no longer left wondering. You have all the facts.

Step4
Turn your jealousy into something positive! Instead of focusing on the negative emotions that jealousy can produce, look at it in a different light; such as an act of motivation. This can particularly useful for times when you may find yourself jealous of someone because they have something you want; such as a nice house or a new car. Pay less attention to the individual and more attention to what you can do to obtain it for yourself. By doing this, you will less likely become bitter about what you don’t have and develop the drive to obtain the things that you want.

Step5
Stop the comparisons! Comparing yourself to others is a sure fire way to bring on feelings of jealousy. By comparing yourself to others, you are creating a false sense of self-worth. Always keep in mind that everyone is different. Everyone has good qualities, bad qualities, mistakes, regrets, and accomplishments. Sure, that guy your girlfriend is talking to may be funny and charming, but she is with you for a reason. Next time you find yourself comparing yourself to someone else, make a conscious effort to stop and think about your good qualities instead.

Step6
Always communicate! As with any other problem, communication is a key tool. Never keep your emotions bottled up as that could end up doing more damage in the long run. If you are experiencing feelings of jealousy, talk to someone about it. Not only could it help you to better identify where the jealousy is coming from, but your confidante may be able to help put those feelings at ease. If you discussing it with the person involved in your feelings of jealousy make sure that you avoid the blame game and don’t address the jealousy in an accusatory manner.

Step7
Build up your self-esteem! Studies have shown that jealousy is more likely felt by those who have a low self-esteem or insecurities about their own lives. So, take steps to learn how to appreciate yourself and your qualities. There are a number of ways that you can do this; such as stating positive affirmations each day, asking friends and family for support and encouragement, making a list of the aspects of yourself you are unhappy with and working to change them, or talking with a counselor.

Original article HERE.


Some other relevant references,
i) Random reference- random case , click HERE to read.
not till that bad still but worth a read as reference tho.

ii) Random reference- attachment styles, click HERE to read.
I do see the problem right here. T.T
well, differences attract...

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Trust me.
Its not easy.
The consequences of having someone everybody wants.
It is not as simple as I thought it would be.
T.T
Argh.



rierie.

1 comment:

Tekkaus said...

But sometimes it's really hard to curb that green eye syndrome right? =)